Knowing Him

"We wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help and our shield."
Psalm 33:20



I am absolutely certain that coming to know Him as He really is will bring unfailing comfort and peace to every troubled heart...
- H.W. Smith

Knowing Him. Such a beautiful phrase. I love my Father, I truly do. His love surrounds me each and every time I simply take a breath. By His grace, and His grace alone, He enables me to even take a breath. I truly am overwhelmed with His mercy and grace.
His mercy is endless.
His love is more than satisfying. If we would just surrender to His love, one could only imagine the pure, and undying love He has for each one of us.
I often find myself thinking about His love. I long to be even closer to Him. I long to feel the great lengths of His perfect arms. I want to know what it feels like to be engulfed in His arms. He is my shield and my protector.
It takes time to come to this knowing. I had to fall down to my knees, and be at my lowest point before I truly knew God's love for me. Yet, I am still so far away, and I fail Him each and everyday.
The more I long to know Him, and be closer to Him, the dirtier I feel. The more I feel unworthy of His love, and ashamed of how I have loved Him. Why would he want to love me? Then he lays it all out like a brick wall.

"Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and He will say:
Here am I."
Isaiah 58:9

"This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins."
1 John 4:10

When I think about how I have spent so little time with my Father, and how I have set Him aside so many times. I am embarrassed to say that I am a christian, knowing that I truly do not live a life pleasing to Him. The more I seek Him, the more ashamed I feel. He just keeps showing me how much He loves me. He shows me over and over again, that He has a plan, and I need to just let Him do His work.
My experience with my Grandmother was hard. It was tough, painful, stressful, wearisome, and draining. At times I wanted to turn my cheek and not know Him, because I didn't understand. I didn't want to love Him, because to me, He didn't love my precious Grandmother if He would allow this horrific disease to control her body.
I soon realized through His love, and perseverance, how gracious He truly is. There is a beautiful picture portrayed in this story. While I suffered much emotional agony, I was able to glorify God in return. I began to know how deep His love runs. Why would He send His only son to die for me? For my Grandmother? Or even for you? Why would He do all this? Only because His love is endless. His love is like nothing we could ever have imagined.
So why did my Grandmother have to fight a losing battle to cancer?
Why did Jesus die on the cross for your sins and mine?
Because it was all part of His plan.
We may not always see His plan, but it's there.
God had many plans to come from my Grandmother's experience, and from her death. Though it did not become apparent to me until much later, I know more is to come. I look forward to glorifying Him even more from my dealing with her death.
If Jesus hadn't of died on the cross for you and me, we wouldn't be here today. We wouldn't have the glorious opportunity to serve Him, and do His good will. You see, even when we can't see His plan, or don't understand His plan, we should trust Him. He has it all worked out.

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

Psalm 73:26